Double whammy: Endometriosis and Lyme Disease.

Photos on the lefts show with today’s bloating associated with endometriosis.

Photos on the rights are my normal overweight self. 🙂

There may be people seeing this who wish they weren’t seeing this and if you’re one of them, please move along now.. I know my body is not sexy by the ideals that society has told us are sexy, I’m not offended, you don’t have to like seeing my body. Believe me, there are plenty of days I don’t like seeing my body. But I’m working on loving myself anyway and the fact is that I am a real woman with a real problem, and I feel it a privilege to find my way on a path of natural wholistic healing and to be able to share it through ways like this. To connect and reach people I may never have dreamed of knowing otherwise. Even though I consider my journey to be in its infancy, I think I have been called to begin sharing with others and help guide young women to knowing that there can be more to healing than conventional synthetic hormone treatments that mask symptoms. I am confident that nature can provide me with a cure; I just have to be patient, open, connect. Allow order to restore in my cells, and continue with the deep detox of a body that was chemically sabotaged for the first 20+ years of its existence. It does not do one’s ego well to become consumed with the idea of a quick fix. Live in the transition, too. There is so much to be learned. When you are always trying to skip ahead to the destination, you miss the scenery. Slow down. Treat your body with respect.

Anyway, what you see in the photo here is a before and after of maybe two weeks’ time. The first photo is taken perhaps close after ovulation (if in fact, I am releasing eggs, which is questionable at this point), at what I feel is my “true weight and shape.” I am not engaging my stomach muscles (as if there were any to engage!) and am totally relaxed. The second photo is also totally relaxed, but only two weeks later, much larger and more swollen. Not pregnant, not a food baby or a splurge weekend. This is what’s termed “endo bloat.” It is a symptom of endometriosis and is caused by excess fluid build up around the belly organs. Endometriosis is a disease in which the endometrial cells that normally grow inside the uterus that shed every month with a menstrual period grow OUTSIDE of the uterus on the linings of other organs like the ovaries, fallopian tubes, intestines, etc. So when that time of the month comes for the hormones to release to start shedding the wall of the uterus, all of the endometrial cells begin bleeding, and the belly area becomes engorged with blood. And it is painful. Oh fuck, does it hurt.

This photo is very important to me for a reason, and I share it for a reason. As my journey with endometriosis begins, I have begun to seek out others to connect with. And I think to myself how important it is for me and inspiring to me to see real women sharing their stories, and I realize: I can do that, and I WANT to do that. I’ve done it before. It’s what I’ve been trying to do. And this is the time to finally put the real and whole truth out there. To tell the story of healing in the present tense, to find encouragement, guidance, and love along the way. To share and motivate. I know its the path I’m supposed to be on. I am so confident in that.

Today, with the viewing of these photo comparisons, is also the first time I am allowing myself to fully accept the diagnosis of endometriosis. A part of me has been fighting the idea. Like, if you admit you have the illness, of course you’ll feel the symptoms. And I would read about other women’s journeys, and wonder how mine compared. Until I realized it wasn’t about a comparison, and this is my real fate, and this is a real problem that is preventing me from living a normal life. Still, for some reason, a few photos of brave women posting their bloated stomachs from endometriosis with inspiring messages to educate about the symptoms really struck me hard. I never noticed bloating in my stomach. This seemed to be a key piece in me allowing myself to connect with the diagnosis, although I’m not sure why. It’s true, some days I feel fatter than others. But that’s because, as a food addict with patterns in binging and purging, there are definitely some days where I am quite fatter than others. However, my eating habits have been in the healthy range now for a couple months, and especially over the time difference in these two photos. I’ve actually lost a few pounds until today when these photos were taken. Seeing the actual difference in the body and feeling how it feels to be inside of that body allowed it to finally click. I accept my diagnosis. By accepting, I can allow my body to truly fight.

Let me explain a little bit more about my inability or unwillingness to accept a diagnosis that has only symptomatic proof. I have had issues with anxiety, depression, and illness most of my life. At one point, as my body began to shed pounds and detox as I incorporated things like meditation and cleaner eating, something inside my brain jumped to the complete opposite side of the fence and told me that all of my illnesses were imaginary. Or rather: were a product of my mind (big difference here.) And my brain had thought it learned infallibly that everything can be cured with a natural diet and strict healthy lifestyle. Our chosen “toxins” – alcohol, MSG, smog, stress, whatever – reflect in our every day aches and pains, and the more dedicated someone is to wellness, the more they will feel it reflected in relief. This is especially true for most of us Americans who have grown up in pain and with chronic illness because they have known only the SAD, and can recall their “best” meals from childhood the ones that came with a toy.

It makes me cringe.

But here’s the cool part: we know better now. I mean “we” collectively, knew better before. Holistic, herbal, and natural healing has been around for longer than I’m sure we even know. The collective movement towards consciousness is warranting a release from the threshold of chemicals that we are being controlled with. Think about it. There are chemicals in our food, in our shampoo, in the air, in our MEDICINE that we are supposed to be given to heal with. And more often than not, the medicine strong enough to actually kill what is making us sick requires additional medicine to counteract side effects. (Don’t get me wrong – I marvel at modern scientific medicine. But I have my doubts in its overzealous application in our society, and believe strongly it contributes to the overall delusion from our original path. That’s an entirely different discussion though, and we’ll revisit it some day.)

Back to the point I was making: once I convinced myself that all the illness my body was feeling would eventually disappear as I continued to move towards total wellbeing, it somehow shifted my feelings into this concept that the illnesses were fake, or conceived, by the bearer. That doesn’t mean they are less real, but it does mean that a huge component to that person for getting over an illness physically would have to be getting over it mentally, because there is a true belief that you are suffering from something outside of your control, something that is “happening” to you. I am beginning to understand now that it is a balance of real physical healing, accompanied with emotional healing of the mind and soul that will result in wellbeing.

As I became more mindful, I felt many symptoms lift from anxiety to migraines, to aches and pains. There was one old lingering thing that I never really acknowledged or understood: endometriosis. I spent a decade of my life never feeling symptoms of this disease because I was on the pill. Perhaps that also tricked me into thinking it wasn’t a threat. My natural lifestyle had led me to the place where I was ready to let go of that one final crutch. The birth control pill. I wanted it gone. I wanted my body to be that much closer to its natural state of being.

I had been prescribed the pill not too long after I started getting periods. I would say within a year or two, so probably by the time I was around 15. I used to have extremely painful periods, with debilitating pelvic pain accompanied with vomiting, extreme weakness and fatigue, cycles of constipation and diarrhea, migraines. The doctor at the time said it could be endometriosis due to family history, and that going on the pill wasn’t harmful so I might as well. She said, even if its not endometriosis and you’re just blessed with horrible periods, The Pill will take care of you. There was not a test for this disease I knew nothing about, but she treated for it with The Pill, and when the symptoms went away, that seemed good enough.

And why shouldn’t I just pop a pill every day? Every one around me, including myself and my older brother, were always on some kind of prescription our whole lives. Got a small problem? Pop a pill for it. It was always the answer. I pass no judgment on my parents or our families, or any families, who live this way. Sometimes it is the answer. Not everyone can find relief naturally. And at the time, there was no way that my parents could see a different cleaner life for us. That not every cold needed antibiotics. They were caring for their family the best way they knew how. It wasn’t known to them how dangerous so many of these foods, drugs (mostly prescription), and lifestyle choices were to a developing child.

But, that was the answer. And on top of an ever-revolving menu of anti-anxiety, anti-depression, pain management, and antibiotic prescription drugs, I began a daily hormonal supplement to control my terrible, no good, very bad periods.

Approaching my 25th birthday, after continuing to wiggle my way into the natural world and finding ways to approach health from new angles, I decided I wanted to nix the hormones. All seemed to be going well for several months, until suddenly, painful periods, fatigue, migraines, digestive problems, and severe hormonal problems began to strike at that time of the month.

At the end of May, I missed a period. A few days before the period was missed, I began to get some extreme lower back pain, and nausea, particularly in the morning. I was tired as hell, and feeling emotional. I got scared, of course, of pregnancy (despite the precautions we take to be safe, I was still, of course, anxious.) Then my period never came. 7 days go by. Home test is negative. 3 more days go by. Another home test is negative. I’ve been nauseous and sometimes vomiting. Tons of pain in my lower belly and pelvic region, seemingly even concentrated to the left side, in the region of my ovary.

Speed up the borrowing parts (a story for another day) of the doctor and hospital visits. Where I stand now with this issue is that I did get an abnormal result on a pap, an LGSIL. I have a colposcopy scheduled in August. An ultrasound of my pelvic region showed nothing concerning. Doctor concludes that endometriosis, if predicted to be my foe before, was most likely bringing me down again. The answer: The Pill! Oh that wonderful pill. When I heard him say that was my solution, I will admit to feeling defeated, but rebellious. I knew this couldn’t be the answer. I knew that there had to be a way around this. So with his permission, I’ve begun to attempt to heal my endometriosis naturally. It will be slower, but it will be a real solution, that will provide permanent relief, rather than mask symptoms.

———————

On top of this recent coming-to-terms with a diagnosis of endometriosis, I went for a hike on a particularly low-pain day. I returned with 5 ticks on me, removed over 2 days. They were tiny. Two-ish weeks later, a small bullseye rash appeared, but I dismissed it. Again, with my inability to actually accept a diagnosis of a disease, because of my normal paranoia. Some neurological symptoms started popping up in the mix, and then I began to panic about them being connected to my menstrual and hormone issues. (At the time, not having accepted my diagnosis of endometriosis as firm, my mind raced from issue to issue from thyroid problem to brain tumor to ovarian cancer.) A discussion with a close friend motivated me to have a follow up with a doctor, and two days later, I’m now on a Day 1 of a 3-week treatment for Lyme disease. There is a whole nother mental battle going on with the Lyme, that you can bet I will get out of my system in a near future post.

For now, I thank you for hearing my story, and welcome you to follow along as I seek relief from a formerly toxic lifestyle.

Love and light. Namaste.

Days 10-15: Balance

Days 10-14 honestly flew right by.

Day 10 seems to have been pretty uneventful, with the exception of the fact that I scored a meeting with the city about my Superheroes of Trash citywide cleanup event idea. So excited for this!

I had a lot of errands to run on Day 15, which normally is a point of stress (I do not really like city driving and dealing with shopping traffic.) Luckily, I didn’t have to work my normal Thursday 8-11am shift, so I got to get a head start on my errands. I did some clothes shopping at Target, but didn’t buy too much, but was feeling happy about the way things are hanging on my body again. I’m back to my “normal” overweight size, the most easily maintained (for me) weight I’ve been at since my big weight loss. I shouldn’t say weight actually, i should just say size. I did end up buying a scale at Target this day, for the point of motivation. Scales are tricky for me and can be points of obsession too, so I am just using this as a healthy gauge of progress. I WILL not let the scale rule me! Especially while I delve deeper into my yoga practice and build muscles that will replace fat, but weigh more.

I finally got the yoga gloves I’ve been wanting too. I got a 60 minute yoga session in before it was time to get prettied up for my dear friend Khym C‘s book reading. We got the store all dolled up too. Danger tended bar. It was really awesome. I was feeling really antisocial though, as the whole event was conducted around food and drink, and I felt a disconnect from the crowd. It wasn’t easy and took a lot of energy out of me.

We’re meant for each other. You, me, and the cat. 🙂

Day 12 (Friday) was an amazing day for my self-confidence, my willpower, and my belief that the body can do anything. I did a Bikram yoga class at Ocean State Bikram Yoga. My FIRST bikram yoga. I LOVED LOVED LOVED the class. There were a few minutes, specifically when my head was below my heart, that I felt a little faint, so I sat those initial exercises out, but the heat was great and my body moved in ways I didn’t think I could. I completed the entire set, and felt engaged, fulfilled, and like I had a great workout – all while on a fast! I think the biggest thing that helped was not psyching myself up at the beginning that I COULDN’T do it because I was on a fast. Instead, I went in with the mindset that I would get something good out of the class either way, and that I was trying my hardest either way. But the body is amazing, and it never ceases to amaze me. I left the class feeling floaty and optimistic and literally just high on life. I wanted to write a post right afterwards to catch my giddy feelings, but I didn’t have time. I promise to do that next time, as well as a further review of the class and yoga style.

 

Day 14 came and my period hit me hard. My cramps were killing me, and my motivation to stay juicing went straight out the window. My body felt drained and depleted. It was said that I was extremely pail. I didn’t want to drink a green juice. I thought hard about what I was craving, and actually came across the idea that pineapple juice would be good, and take care of some of my cravings. I got some pineapple, red pepper, and jalapeno. Later I googled “juice to help menstrual cramps” and it turns out that pineapple is the first thing recommended! And fennel too, a juice I’ve been on a kick with lately. Crazy how my body told me that without me even my mind actually knowing it. Bromelain is an enzyme found in pineapple that one of its main functions is to slow blood clotting, this would encourage cramps to diminish as the flow is able to be more smooth. And as I was drinking the concoction with pineapple, fennel, celery, spinach, kale, and jalapeno, it literally felt like I was drinking a narcotic painkiller. It’s amazing what the body can accomplish when we our mind believes it can!

As Sunday went on, I started feeling better and better. So I got to doing some yoga. But I guess I pushed too hard. After a forward bend that lasted several deep breaths, I stood up slowly and got a pain in the side of my neck. Following the pain, I started seeing black very quickly and my heart started slowing down. I managed to make my way to the edge of the bed right as I was fainting. I stayed kind of with it, but could feel the energy drained from my face and body, and my heart started pounding SO hard. I felt pretty scared and embarrassed, because I know that its a cliche that people pass out during juice fasts and you’ll be depleted. HOWEVER – I want to be totally clear here that the juice fast alone did not contribute to my fainting… it was definitely because of menstruating and the yoga I was doing, with my head below my heart. Because remember, I did the bikram yoga on Friday before my period came and that was certainly much more intense than the practice I was doing at home during my period. Further research showed me that its not necessarily recommended for everyone to do inverted yoga positions during this time. So that makes sense.

I had some fermented daikon radish and kimchi on Sunday night, more solid food than I had at other times. It felt good to eat some food at this point.

I started the day Monday, day 15, with some juice. But I was still feeling like it might be time for me to begin eating some solid food. So I started with a small handful of cashews. I should have probably started with raw veggies or something, but I was just craving the healthy fats so badly. So I went with it.

After the cashews, I decided to try some miso soup. I made a big bowl with seaweed and mushrooms. It tasted great but I could only get a few mouthfuls in and then I was quite full.

 

This would mark the end of my juice fast. The tentative goal was 21 days, but 14 ended up being the right number this time around. I’ll have to keep this in mind the next time I try to schedule a long-term fast. My body is just not able to fast and menstruate at the same time. Some people, it might work, but for me – nope. I have endometriosis, and recently went off my birth control, so my period is back with a vengeance and it certainly is not a fun time. I’m accepting and dealing with the pain and working on natural remedies, but fasting is definitely out of the question for now.

So, I feel accomplished as hell for completing 14 days. Especially while working 12-14 hours a day during the fast, completing my first bikram class, and working in a grocery store with delicious food being served all the time. I even cooked 2 batches of healthy vegan chili during my fast for the store and resisted tasting it! And by the way I lost 21 pounds! I expect to gain a few back, that’ll be natural. I didn’t do the fast to lose “weight” but to lose “junk”. My body was literally too full, like I mentioned before.

It feels good to fit back in my skin again. It makes the idea of exercising and eating well a bit easier to grasp.

My body is my home, my temple. I vow to keep it clean.

 

(PS – I have written but not reread this post, so I apologize for any run on sentences, incomplete or repeated thoughts, or nonsense that it may contain. Welcome to the inner workings of my sidetracked brain.)

Days 5-9: Strong and steady

So the answer is yes: I’m still juice feasting. I disappeared for a few days, as tends to happen to my creative/work energy as the week drives on (Sundays through Tuesdays are usually packed active days from 8am-midnight, Wednesdays are in-between, and Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays are more of the less stress, follow your mood kind of days.) So, I didn’t get around to posting, because a lot of my energy has been working on the forward momentum of many projects. Launch into the future!

If there’s one thing I have been remembering to do: it’s take photos of the juice. At the end of the whole juice fast, I will compile some recipes. I go about juicing just by picking a bunch of different green things (usually cucumber or celery, broccoli or cabbage, and a leafy green plus others) , an herb (cilantro or parsley), maybe ginger, and maybe an apple or two. So far, every time I decide to add in carrot, which I’m mostly just doing because I need to use them up, I become disappointed in the juice.

Day 5 was a nice day to treat myself. I went to Whole Foods and stocked up on big nice leafy greens and vegetables. We sell plenty of nice stuff at Fertile Underground, but its just not ideal for juicing. We try to source as much local as possible, so we only have the staples right now, and greens are not very abundant. When I went to Whole Foods, I also treated myself to a new yoga mat, cork block, and yoga DVDs. I wished for a better local option to walk in and buy some yoga stuff, and I couldn’t really find anything with a quick search online (any suggestions?). I tried REI, but they ended up being of a higher quality/more expensive than I would have liked. Since I was going to WF anyway, and they had exactly what I wanted within my budget, I figured it made sense than wasting the gas to drive around trying to find something else. I also bought a grow-your-own-wheatgrass kit! CANNOT wait for that!

Getting my designated space for at-home yoga and weight lifting set up. I did about 60 minutes of free-weights and stretches, and also managed to get one push up! My first push up ever. Maybe it sucked, but it felt like one, although I haven’t quite been able to duplicate since. Still working on it!

This was how glorious my fridge was after stocking up with all the big veggies from Whole Foods. I was impressed with the quality, for sure. Check out those collar greens up top! I was also very excited to find bagged organic green and red apples. I absolutely love the Granny Smith apples for diversifying the flavor of juices. A sour greens juice – yes please! I should have grabbed some organic lemons and limes, I’ll have to remember next time. I’m also slightly intrigued by lemongrass, although I wonder if you can just throw that in a juicer. Turmeric root is a lot of fun for veg juices w carrots and pepper, but like I said, I’m just feeling the lighter green juices more this time around.

Day 6 was actually a day I could have done without. For some reason, I found a lot of frustration and anxiety this day. I’m sure I had other good feelings too, but I remember the aggravation standing out. But its over now, so no need to attempt to rehash it.

Started with a collard, celery, cucumber, parsley, green pepper, carrot, ginger juice. Again, not really my favorite this time around, although I am definitely digging the collard green juices. It’s so interesting to watch the course of juicing evolve. I remember when I first started juicing, I would drink maybe 4-6 32 oz juices every day. Granted, there was a lot of melons and pineapples and fruit being used too, which is usually juicier and yields more volume. This time around, I’m hardly doing any fruits, only apples, and not a lot of sweet vegetables either. Perhaps the lower sugar count is actually curbing the appetite too. I’ve only felt hungry when there is an active smell of delicious healthy food around me (like right now, while my evening broth simmers and my stomach is growling. I can’t wait to dig in – I have a feeling this post will end kind of abruptly. Advance apologies!)

What was not very effective on day 5, and surely led to some of the grumpiness, was the fact that I made one giant juice in the morning and drank it throughout the day. I didn’t stop at any point to revere the juice as a meal, and this definitely impacted the quality of nourishment it gave my body. I felt kind of disgruntled and pessimistic at points that I could finish the cleanse. But I knew they were just feelings, and persevered on to my goal.

I did perk up my mood Friday night with a nice big bowl of broth, eaten with a spoon, to recover from the days feeling of “without.” Consuming the broth with a spoon instead of sipping it out of a jar provides that sense of eating a meal, and I felt totally nourished and content after.

Saturday, I did make similar mistakes of juicing and not slowing down to consume the juice as a meal. Although, with the increased darker leafy greens and more organic choices, I started to feel a sort of ‘excavating’ going on in my stomach. I never quite had anything release, but I could feel things shifting.

Bokchoy is one of my absolute favorite things to juice. I can’t say that I can actually pinpoint the flavor it gives, but I just seem to always love the juices that its in. Plus, the green apples with all of the greens – mmm, another favorite combo!

The couple that nourishes together, stays together! I’m so psyched to have a guy who loves the flavors and feeling that juice gives just as much as I do. After just 5 full days, my face has started to slim out, my energy is way way up, my brain function is right on, my mood is improved, my sleep quality is, well, I’m actually sleeping! It’s unbelievable. I have the most difficult time with my sleep rhythm usually, but I’m finally establishing one right now, during this feast.

That’s really one of the big reasons I do a reboot. It more than reboots my diet, or body: it reboots my entire life. I become more organized, focused, healthier, clean, READY. I am sooo ready for life post juice-feast. There are so many things I want to do and keep doing and feeling as good as I do, the world is my stage, man. Get out tha way. (Or join me!) 🙂 I can’t wait to climb a mountain this spring.

Monday rolled around, time to start day 8 – week 2! Felt so ready to have 1/3 of the cleanse behind me. Felt at this point like I could definitely continue on and finish this cleanse. I started getting a little congested, but more just like mucous releasing and not getting sick. My body has not been feeling any aches and pains since the juice cleanse started. And when I see someone is sick, I don’t feel vulnerable – I feel strong, alive, and my body is ready to defend me. What a good feeling after spending so much of the winter this year feeling sick and miserable!

One of my favorite juices so far, although I don’t think I could drink it every day, was this sweet and spicy concoction with chard, cilantro, radish, green pepper, jalapeno, celery, and apple. At first it would taste just like juice and then the jalapeno would kick in, providing a nice kick and making me feel like I was consuming something much heartier by the way it heated up my body and throat. What a nice change of pace to the juicing.

Today’s juice was quite beautiful too, loving the green apple as you can see. The daikon radish actually seems to give a nice root flavor as well.

The biggest thing I need to keep remembering as I move forward on the next 12 days: consume water, herbal tea, juice, AND broth every day. I’ve actually only been doing maybe 32-48 oz of juice a day, which would be 4-6 cups so I suppose that’s about right. Of green juice. The greens are very strong and pack a fantastic nutritional punch. My body is just letting go of all that it doesn’t need. It’s melting right off. But in order to stay satiated, the water, tea, and juice are necessary to continue the cleanse, stay hydrated, and stay in control of my choices.

My scale is kind of unreliable, and my hallway floor is also really crooked, but it seems that I may have lost somewhere between 14 and 18 pounds so far of just excess junk. The first few days, I was peeing every 5 minutes, just washing everything away. All of this extra weight was just fat that had been temporarily pumped into my blood cells from all the crap (mostly white flour – this is the most noticeable cause of inflammation and fatigue for me and I will NOT be having any when I am done with this fast!)

I leave you with some other photos from the past several days, just because I can.

Sunday night, we had a meeting/neighborhood potluck with Transition the Ocean State. It was a nice gettogether, sparking new conversation and enthusiasm about community-building and resilience. We are going to be hosting a kind of ‘pay-it-forward’ sustainability tutoring book club every other Monday starting March 18. Stay tuned for more info.

The Armory, looking as majestic as ever against a mid-afternoon cloudy sky. This was taken on our way to pick up an order from Virginia & Spanish Nut Co on Dexter St. Just found out their almonds that we use at the store to make the fresh almond milk are non-GMO (thanks to some fact-finding from local foodie Molly, The Food Digger!)

Natural Home Solutions workshop at Fertile Underground featuring Karma Clean (Raw soap nut laundry detergent, locally produced), and some house-made “Eat My Face” raw avocado fudge which doubles as a face mask. Colleen from No Trash Project was also there with an awesome handmade lotion, slingin’ no trash ‘secrets’ like usual. (I put ‘secrets’ in quotation marks, because exposing no trash ideas and upcycled projects often invoke a “DUH! Why didn’t I think of that?” feeling in myself.) We are going to host a workshop the last Monday of each month around upcycling, reducing packaging, and DIY ventures.

After all that, we still made time for bowling Monday night! I felt honestly a little weak and tired at first, only had one juice but no tea and broth again! I wasn’t very sure how good of a job I would do, but just wanted to go have fun. I bowled a 120, 121, and 151 over 3 games! 151 is my second highest score ever. Schwing! Also, shoutout to Lang’s Bowlarama in Cranston for having new local Foolproof Brewing Company on tap! Way to be hella awesome and support local. I didn’t drink it of course, but it’s great to know that a bowling alley so close, and so awesome and clean, also has an amazing local brew available. Eat Local! Drink Local! Bowl Local!

Some new local products at FUG including Narragansett Creamery hand-dipped whole milk ricotta, Proofed Artisan Bread boules, Equal Exchange organic fair trade Peruvian coffee, Top This Pizza Crust, and Nettie’s Kettle Corn. So proud of all of our local products and am thrilled to keep expanding!

This is from today, what an accomplishing day! Made tons of fresh almond milk for the store. Redesigned, printed, and labeled all the jars for the almond milk and peanut butter. Stocked new local food order, including a new gluten-free (but not vegan) fresh pasta from Nantucket Pasta Goddess. I’m admittedly a little bummed it’s not vegan, but still psyched for the new option for our community!

This is just a sneak peak at a special project I can’t tell you about. But these guys are awesome.

And this is my cat, Curry. ❤

Until the next time….

Day 4: Peaceful & supersmart

 

Posting earlier in the day (read: before midnight) than I have the past few days. I’ve had a “day-off” which consisted of only about 3 hours of work at the store, and maybe 4 at home. Ha. But it was at my pace. Tomorrow is technically a day off. And one thing I’m noticing is that I have cleared all the things I was behind on off my to-do list! At least all of the very important things that I felt I was way behind on. At one point, I took on a little too much, so I’ve been playing catchup. And I feel almost to the point of just being able to maintain. So now when I want to take some downtime, I can feel less guilty about it because I’m getting so much done in the “on-time.” But seriously, let me stress that there were a few BIG projects that have had loose ends for weeks that I was finally able to finish up over the past few days. So hurrah for that.

 

A few things I’ve observed today: vegetable broth makes a bad ass snack. Of course, that’s just when in comparison to juice. The juice is bad ass too. I’ve been enjoying the greens only juices (this afternoon/evening was a giant juice with green cabbage, collars, cilantro, broccoli, green pepper, jalapeno, ginger, and apple.) The jalapeno came through nicely, and it was a spicy alternative to satifsy some tasted buds (remember to keep changing it up!) I’m really really not wanting carrot or beet juice much today. Opening the crisper, all the green things look much more appetizing and nourishing for juices. I think it must have to do with the high sugar content. I just don’t like that much sugar. But bring on the veg.

Also, when your juice is done, don’t drink it until you’ve washed your juicer and cleaned up everything. Then sit down and enjoy it, appreciate it, and treat it as a meal. Sipping the juice periodically while cleaning or doing other things will only make you feel hungrier later and like you haven’t eaten anything at all. Dedicate a few moments of your life to feel the flooding of nutrients washing through your cells and body. (PS – I’ve definitely had some um -washing- out of sorts. Every BODY is different, but don’t believe the hype that anyone who drinks juice will be running to the bathroom afraid of the splatter. You will definitely pass some waste, but that doesn’t mean it will be explosive, and isn’t that the point of doing a cleanse? You should feel satisfied and accomplished to get rid of that nasty stuff.)

 

Feeling a bit introspective, really in my body, and just focused on what I am doing. Ultra-focused. On the experience of the juice fast and on fulfilling the tasks that I have always wanted to get going. For building the ladder between visualization and actualization.

 

I commented to a friend that I feel super smart now. He pointed out to me that my brains have always been there, I just don’t always use them. Now that’s true in a sense. I definitely use my brains, but there are of course these invisible barriers that block our focus and utilization of all parts of our brains that are caused by all sorts of things: stress, diet, loves, emotions, logic, societal pressures, shall I continue? The mindset that I’ve got right now, and have somehow been able to maintain for almost 4 full days without even breaking, is that this juice feast is all about letting go. Let go of your own notion of food and let go of the average person’s perception of a diet. Discover what makes your body happy.

 

I’m realizing more and more that nutrition is almost a belief, a faith, an ideology. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a religion (although this time of transition in my life is sure to bring me some enlightenment.) You look at a food, and believe it is life-giving, and I bet you, sho’nuff it’s gonna make you feel great. That’s not to say that looking at a double bacon cheeseburger and seeing buns of steel will manifest you a healthy, fit body. But any food that is whole, pure, complete, and unaltered can result in health. I eat vegan, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand that some people’s bodies may be better suited to consuming meat and maybe close to only meat. I don’t look at a piece of meat and see food, because I know that I can get everything I need in the vegetable kingdom. But I know a few folks that follow a close to paleo diet, and some who are huge advocates of eating local meat. And that’s great! I say: the more changes we can make in our diets to become aware of the food we are eating and where it comes from, the better. The more folks that turn to local agriculture, both in farming and ranching, the more chance we have for fighting for a cleaner future (for our bodies and our environment). And that’s what the food movement, to me, should primarily be about. It becomes a natural byproduct of eating local and eating clean that your consumption of vegetables goes up and your consumption of meat becomes more mindful. There just wouldn’t be enough space and resources for people to consume animal protein the way the standard American diet has people consuming meat. And really, it’s only a portion of the food pyramid anyway!

 

End dietism! Eat clean! Buy local! Then we can all be happy.

 

On that note, I’m going to take my self-reflecting self and go do some yoga. My body is already thanking me.

 

 

Day 3: When life gives you lemons…

 

 

 

So day 3 is coming to a close and I’m feeling just fine. I woke up early and tackles some government/tax/unemployment mental errands (phone calls for 4+ hours, you know the kind of exhausting stuff I’m talking about.)

But I did it somewhat calmly – with the exception of letting myself shout at myself at the top of my lungs just once. It felt pretty invigorating actually, to just get the frustration out in one burst and get back to business. Maybe that’s like what the smashing flatware therapy is all about.

I was so excited to use my new juicer for the first time by myself today. I grabbed all the produce in the fridge and divided it up into a greens juice and a thicker more hearty tomato & veg juice.

 

 

Basically like yesterday’s but added a lemon. The citrus was crazy potent and tart, offering a much different flavor profile. This is very important when juicing, to get creative like you do with cooking. It’s not just about throwing anything in the juicer. So this one had cilantro and parsley, and I’m so impressed with the way this juicer mashes it down. There’s local organic kale and collards at the market. I’m going to grab some in the morning and I can’t wait to get leafy.

 

The second juice was broccoli, parsley, ginger, lots of tomatoes, carrots, and beets. For some reason, the last time I juiced, I rarely considered tomatoes. But I’ve been loving tomato juice lately, so I’m finding myself on a kick this time around.

 

With broth heated up from last night! Oh the pretty colors. That green color still blows my mind every time. It’s like that grasshopper green that you can’t quite imagine is bright enough to occur in nature.

I worked from 12:15 or so until around 7 on Grocery stuff, caught a quick power nap, then went back to work on phase 2 of my day. I am finding great rhythm and productivity lately. Bed around 12-1am, up by 8-8:30, work the day, take a late afternoon cat nap, and then work again. That sounds crazy, all she ever does is work! That’s not true, I just disperse the work throughout the day. And every day is just getting up to get done what needs to be done to get our vision to the next day, to the next level, to the next completion. My focus is amazingly clear, a fog has been lifted. Superhero powers.

I continuously reminded myself of the gift I am treating my body to. The break, the restoration; I can feel the rebuilding. I was grateful for the juice again, and appreciated having the chance to wash out all the toxins and sorrows that are cobwebbing up my shoulders. Speaking of stiff shoulders, I think I’m feeling light enough and less inflamed to get back to doing some yoga. I’ll start with light stretching at home. With the I just wish I had a truly quiet space that was just for that, that was always for that, that I could assign and energy and go to that place when I want to have that quiet peaceful energy. Soon, I hope. I’ll find the place.

I am loving sharing my story with people. I do not feel any hesitation about making it to 21 days, yet. I am interested to follow my body’s response. Someone compared it to an athlete; it’s a physical endurance that you put your body through with incredible mental focus and determination. Juice-a-thon ! Juicelympics ! Tour de Juice!

 

Oh and I also got my highest score in Snake today. I don’t think I’ll ever get that high again, so I think the app might get deleted now. I get bored with little games like this quickly once I get a high score that was half-luck and know I’ll never repeat it again.

 

 

Day 2: Appreciating the gift

Day 2 done, and feeling very well. We got our new Omega Vert juicer!! We’ve used a juicer like this before, but don’t have it anymore. And this one’s RED. It looks beautiful in our kitchen. My guy found this for cheap(er) on an online sale.

The Omega Vert juicer is especially awesome because of the way it masticates the produce instead of shredding it. The veg is gently crushed, and the juice is extracted. It doesn’t heat up in the process, so the nutrients in the juice stay alive, and the juice is more vibrant in color and nourishment. This juicer also gets a higher volume of juice going, and is much more effective on leafy greens (can’t wait to try out wheatgrass.) You can even do nut milks with the same process!

Today was a fairly overall productive day. Worked 8-2 at the Grocery, allowed myself a downtime recovery nap from 3-6ish. Had a productive  brainstorming sesh with a friend/co-owner/marketing client. Made up a flyer for an upcoming show. Finally composed a weekly e-mail newsletter and sent it out to the FUG list. That’s all boring facts about the day. But it’s important to understand that juice fasting does not necessarily impede your ability to stay working and active. In fact, the most important thing I can really say about juice fasting is that anyone can do it, but not everyone will like it. And if you don’t like it, you won’t benefit from half of what I find to be the best part: the appreciation that grows in the relationships that you have between yourself and your food, and yourself and your body. If you don’t like it, you’ll struggle and find it to be a chore, you’ll allow your mouth to water over your neighbor’s food, and feel pity for yourself and accept pity of others. When people apologize about eating in front of me or talking about food, I make sure to explain that they shouldn’t apologize, this is my decision and I am happy for what I am doing for my body.

(This is maybe my 12th cleanse of any kind and my 6th juice feast , I’ve done ones that range from 1 day to 11 days. The somewhat regular cleansing surely must be aiding in the lessening of detox symptoms.)

I was tired during the first half of the day, but I worked until 1 a.m. last night, and only slept about 5-6 hours, so I expected to be tired. I am a very tumultuous sleeper, so I really need to dedicate 8 hours in bed to get 6 hours of any kind of rejuvenating sleep. I’m still working on re-establishing healthy sleep patterns, but I think that an increased productivity during the day with this focus will lead to a more successful sleep at night. I’ll be more tired, but also feel more accomplished and be able to put the day behind me as a success instead of worrying about the things I may not have gotten done.

I started the day with leftover broth from yesterday’s dinner, and a lot of water. I wasn’t able to make a batch of juice in the morning because I was going to work so early and didn’t want to bother the others in the house. I hoped to make it back for a mid-morning juice, but work got ahead of me (like it usually does.) What I’m noticing is that my brain is working fairly clearly and the focus is there. Normally, I have a huge to-do list that I kind of chip off different sides of and bounce back and forth and up and down around. It results in lots of projects that are all in motion, but not to completion. Unfinished projects (or mini-goals on a larger project) are a cause of stress – there’s always something left to be done. But even 2 days into juicing, I’m able to just say, “Okay, I’ve got to do this thing on my list.” And just do it. From start to finish. It’s usually very hard for me to reign in this kind of focus.

I began to get very hungry after the cafe meeting at work, when the chili I made yesterday (which looked fantastic) was starting to be served up. It smelled amazing. And my sense of smell is already “working” better – I can smell food from a mile away. Ha. Around 1:37pm, I noted I was feeling doubt on if I was going to be able to do this juice fast. I wondered if the doubt could be cured with another juice and influx of nutrients. I was feeling VERY negative though. And by the time I got home, I was very tired and feeling a bit defeated. I decided to just lay down and skip the juice, figuring I won’t get that much hungrier while I sleep. I also had a slight headache at a few points throughout the day, but nothing too serious like I’ve experienced in the past. What’s interesting is the lack of detox symptoms I’m feeling so far… I suspect maybe tomorrow I am going to have a digestive episode of some kind, as I’m starting to feel some gurgling (hey, you can’t embrace the cleanse if you don’t appreciate the removal of the waste.) I’ll do my best to keep it PG. Although my intention of sharing this journey is to debunk myths about juice fasting.

When I woke up from my nap, I felt groggy, spacy, and a bit light-headed. But instead of letting negative thoughts come in and focusing on the ‘weakness’ of the juice fast, and allowing those thoughts of self-doubt to creep in, I just went straight to making juice. We did an all green juice with cabbage, broccoli, ginger, brussel sprouts, celery, green peppers, and cilantro. We added a couple of apples at the end, I was craving just a bit of sugar. This was stupidly my first juice of the day. I don’t recommend you slack on the second day of the feast, you may allow it to defeat you.

The pulp and juice are separated out into two different containers that stand independent of the actual juicing machine. This is great because you can keep juicing without having to take the whole machine apart to empty pulp or juice. The pulp is much dryer than that from a centrifugal machine, but still has a bit of flavor for making broth. Not a lot of nutrients left though.

The juice is always so much more vibrant from this machine! Look how beautiful! I brought a little jar over to my cohort’s place and she loved it too. The vibrancy is not just in the color, but its literally in the flavor and texture, you can feel the life-giving nourishment that comes with it. I’m feeling especially hydrated, that’s for sure. Even in my face I already feel changes, and am looking forward to the end result – no more tight, dry, winter skin! My skin is always a great sign for me that its time for a detox (pimples and blackheads galore.)

I am especially looking forward to embracing the healthy glow that living juice gives its lucky consumer.

Green broth – just the veg pulp and a few spices (minced onion and black pepper.) This was very good too.

What I’m trying to just remember as the days go on and when the juice fast is feeling like an unreachable goal is a visualization of how I will feel when its over. When I pick up a fresh jar of juice, or a broth, or an herbal tea, or even water, during this time – I don’t feel deprived, I appreciate it. I appreciate what its going to do for my body. I thank the produce it was made from for giving me new life and restoring my body. I think about the farmers who worked the soil and tended the growing, and the path the produce traveled from farm-to-table, and thank my environment for putting me in a place with access and ability to treat my body so well. I visualize the life-giving nutrients flooding my body, stirring up the debris and washing it out. Brightening the cells, making them happy and well-nourished and productive – exactly who I want to be.

Visualization is actualization.

 

 

PS – I just discovered a big ol’ new pimple on my chin. I don’t get upset about it, just glad that the toxins are coming out.

PSS – I apologize in no way whatsoever about messy and disorganized posts. I haven’t even reread this. I don’t have a lot of time and energy in my busy schedule, and as I’ve mentioned, do have trouble with focus. So long as I carve time to put up a few pictures and write some words about it, I consider that a clearing of space in the right direction. How well-written it is, well, I could really care less. I’m letting go of the idea that every blog post need to be perfectly crafted or edited. I’m ready to be open and just let it flow.

Day 1: Regaining Control

I don’t have a lot of time to write tonight, as I start phase 2 of my workday in 5 minutes. However, I am committed to posting something every day of this juice feast so here we go…

For the past 16 months or so, I have lost some of the control I gained in the two years prior on my eating disorder. I am an overeater. I am a closet eater. I am an emotional eater. (Emotion meaning anything on the spectrum from manic to depressed to anxious.)

I skyrocketed to 270 pounds by the time I was 19, and managed to get 85 of those pounds off by the summer of 2011.

The past few months have marked my most significant weight gain back: I am now at 220 pounds again.

Depressing? Sure. Defeated? Yes, I felt that too. For months. I tried beginning in October to regain control, but I didn’t have any luck. I can’t pinpoint if it was stress, or winter cold, or what. But I continued to eat, and spiral, and neglect the most important lesson I have ever truly learned and understood: You are what you eat.

The past few months have held days where I’ve eaten from breakfast to midnight. Days where I’ve only eaten one meal because I’ve been too busy. Days where I eat three meals, but they are significantly nutrient void (Hello, my name is Chrissy, and I’m a bagel addict.) Days where there is no pattern, rhyme, or reason to my eating. I’ve lost control of what food is supposed to be. And I’m ready, once more, to eat to live.

Most of the change has finally been catalyzed by illness. My body hurts, it’s inflamed ALL OF THE TIME, my mind is cloudy, I’m anxious and overwhelmed, and I’ve been battling a half-cold/half-flu for what seems like months. The healthier days are outnumbered by the days spent in pain. I literally feel like someone has stuck a balloon pump up my you-know-where and inflated an extra 20 pounds of prickly, toxic goo into my body. My cells feel trapped, crowded in, and full of toxic waste. The imagery is strong, and if I can understand how it feels awful – then I can understand how to feel better.

After all, I know what it’s like on the other side. I know what it’s like to feel healthy, and happy, and at home in my body. To be able to wake up and hike a mountain, or bike around Block Island, or do triple back-to-back-to-back yoga sessions. And I’m done allowing my diet (or lack thereof) to dictate my life. Because feeding myself right will provide the lightness and energy I need to continue doing all of those things I love.

So today, I start on my juice feast journey. My goal is 21 days, but that’s really just a number. My goal is to go until my body feels recovered from the white sugars, white flours, alcohol, oils, and junk I’ve been feeding it since my last cleanse, last March (see earlier entries.)

As the day went on today, my mood definitely took swings from content, to HANGRY (so hungry you’re crazy angry), to absolutely euphoric. I’m sure some of it was definitely a placebo effect, but my mind felt clear. And I’ll take it.

More tomorrow, time to start phase 2 of my work day….

AM Juice: Beet, ginger, cucumber, brussel sprout, carrot, celery, apple

PM Juice: Brussels, tomato, ginger, carrot, cuke. (VERY TASTY.)

Ready for the day!

Sat down for breakfast with the beet juice and a local herbal tea. The light shining on the beet juice was just too much to handle. This color was definitely a motivator – something this pretty has got to be good for me!

Neapolitan almond milks. 🙂 In jars. Jar love.

Nighttime veggie broth: all the pulp from today’s juices + parsley + minced onion + black pepper.

Hello, 2013.

Dear WordPress,

I have abandoned you for far too long. Instead of giving you a big story in review of the past several months, let’s just hang out every day, and I’ll catch you up on the way. 

I’m in a great place these days, most of the time at least. I work as a co-owner of Fertile Underground Grocery, a natural grocery that sources as much local as we can. It’s more than that, though, in that we are a community-driven space. It’s really a special thing to be part of a group of 12 business owners that are all working daily to make a better world by running a small business that truly serves its neighborhood. I started there in August, so it was on the tail end of the thriving local season. I cannot wait until the spring to see what this year brings. 

I celebrated my one-year anniversary with my bearded fellow on New Year’s. We’re preparing for the end (read: beginning) of the world. We’re also starting a side marketing business and working with other natural and sustainable local businesses to continue building a better world around us. There are a lot of other projects in the works. Basically, it feels like we are setting up our lives to work daily on the things that we would need to survive anyway. So far… so good.

I’ve increased my yoga practice again this year. I go through waves where I practice a lot, then it slows down, and then I stop going. It’s my goal to practice 3x a week for the entire year, under a teacher, and every day to some extent on my own.

I’ve been going to Eyes of the World and West Side Yoga in Providence. Really like both studios. The kundalini is nice at West Side Yoga, but I like the vinyasa better at Eyes of the World because there is so much more space. I also have a Groupon to Ocean State Bikram Yoga in Pawtucket and plan to hit my first bikram class this week. I’ll be writing more about the different styles and what to expect from different studios and teachers as time goes on. As somewhat of a beginner, I like the idea of helping people find the class that works best for them and understanding that successful yoga practicing doesn’t mean that you can stand on your head or be crazy flexible or strong. It’s a mind-building practice as well. And you’ll be surprised what your body can do when your mind lets it.

 

 

Where did she go?

I know I have been gone from WordPress for a very long time.

I have been updating several times daily on Twitter and Instagram:

Twitter: @iusedtobefatter

Instagram: @cteck9

Photos and thoughts on nature and food mostly, in many different aspects.

 

I’ve found myself in this transitional phase of life where this blog hasn’t been my priority. Things are going well and I’m quickly finding a rhythm of life and dealing with my food addictions and depression. Mostly, I’ve finally been able to spend a lot of time outside and I’ve been doing a lot of reading and writing, which is also fantastic for my mental health.

I have starting to find my niche in a community of people, both via the internet and in person, that I can relate to and that my end goals in life, and even in what I want to accomplish daily, seem to resonate the same. People with a passion for clean eating (whether that be vegan or not), respecting the earth, appreciating nature, and living simply. So, beginning July 1, I am giving up my apartment and going on the road. Between camping and couch-surfing, I plan to spend 3 months traveling New England. I will use this time to further my education in the things I am passionate about. I feel like I have 20 years to catch up on, as many of the things that I am passionate about now were not necessarily things that were accessible or instilled in me growing up. I don’t mean values, because my parents did a fantastic job at that. I mean, learning about the woods, plant life, growing and sustaining food, etc. There is so much more that I want to know, and while I have this opportunity to do so, I feel eager to get on the road and connect with nature and clear my head before I finally delve into something else (a job, what have you.) I do plan to see how I can make a living by repurposing trash furniture and items that are found free on Craigslist, and also, clothing at Saver’s. I used to make cute deconstructed t-shirts, dresses, and skirts from oversized used T’s. I am going to learn to do these things. This summer is going to be great. But I probably won’t update this blog very often, since I’ll be mostly living outside. I do have a SmartPhone so I can update Instagram and Twitter very easily.

So follow me on there, and follow my adventures and occasional rantings. 🙂

I’ll leave you with some photos from my most recent camping trip at Wompatuck State Park in Hingham, MA.

 

 

I hope everyone takes care and has a fantastic and safe summer. ❤

Vegetable ‘pasta’ with raw walnut basil pesto

The past couple of days I have been fighting a teeny tiny respiratory infection. Yesterday I fasted, except for water and lemon/ginger/cayenne shots.

The three combined are a powerful healing concoction. If you can’t stomach the intense flavor in one shot, you can cook it into a tea too. I did 4 of these yesterday and felt good most of the day. Last night was rough again though, with coughing, and my fever kept lingering at the breaking point so it was impossible to stay asleep for more than a half hour at a time. The stinks! I allowed myself to stay in bed a bit later until it felt right to get up.

Before bed and after waking up, I worked on some healing meditations. If you’re ever looking for guided meditations, there’s a ton out there on Google and Youtube – including ones for things as specific as fertility and flying for the first time. I will definitely be using that second one, as I’ve booked a flight (for the first time in my life!) for June to visit my mom in North Carolina. I have an intense anxiety related to public transportation, and don’t even take the bus. So, for me to book this flight, and be willing to go through the process alone, is a big step. I’ve talked through the worry about it with myself. It’s not a fear of the plane crashing. For some reason, I’m afraid of doing it wrong. Getting lost, getting on the wrong plane, looking stupid. That’s the same fear as with even the public bus system. But it’s something I’m working through. I bet once I get on a plane, taking the bus will seem like no sweat at all. 🙂 One meditation I completed for healing involved imagining the production of white blood cells and using these to “go to war” against the infection. That was a funny visual.

Beyond the physical healing, I’ve been working on some serious emotional healing. Again, I’ve been utilizing meditation quite a bit. Last night, I used one on Youtube designed to reduce night terrors. At one point, I vividly visualized caricatures of the words Panic, Anxiety, Paranoia, Stress, Worry, and Fear. I placed these words in jail cells locked behind a big wooden closed door. I also put a collection of images that cause me these feelings, including recent fights and worries and past traumas. I sealed the door shut and put Conan and Thor (my childhood rottweilers) guarding the door. The word-people were also gagged and knocked unconscious with ether. Because hey, why not. It was a funny image that really put things into perspective and honestly made me feel pretty good. I didn’t have any night terrors last night, but it was still a restless night because I’m sick. I’m excited to see what kind of results I get with this process when I’m feeling physically healthy as well. I’ve also spent time just reading and looking at motivational and inspiration quotes online that are reassuring and build strength. My favorite one at the moment which I keep reminding myself of: “Don’t let your struggle become your identity.”

The funny thing about all of these meditations and visualizations that I’ve been doing is that the more I do them, the sillier the anxiety and fear and worry is becoming. What a powerful tool. The goal is to be able to relax on command in tough situations. Today, I had some drama, and I actually got through it and didn’t freak out! Yay!

This morning I had a fresh made juice from carrots, local asparagus, apples, and ginger. It was all I had on hand but I knew I needed the nutrients. Then I had a big bowl of steamed broccoli with a little Earth Balance and Daiya cheese. I wanted to use that up as I’m working on my transition to a mostly raw diet for the summer. I want to do July entirely raw. So I’m building up to it.

I ordered this neat little tool through Groupon Goods a few weeks ago and it finally came in.

You can use it for rings of veggies for salads, curly fries, etc. I was most excited to use it for raw veggie ‘pasta’ and things like dehydrated fruit rings. It will make it very easy to slice thin slices for the dehydrator, which is helpful since I don’t have a good working mandoline at the moment.

So today, I ALMOST decided to just cook pasta with roasted veggies on the side because I wanted something warm, but I decided to give this a go instead. I rarely eat pasta and it seemed too heavy anyway. You can combine the ‘pasta’ mixture and pesto raw and eat as is. I chose to steam the ‘pasta’ for just about 3 minutes just to heat it up. Like I said, I wanted something warm.

Vegetable ‘pasta’ with raw walnut basil pesto

• 1 zucchini
• 1 summer squash
• 1/4 cup raw walnuts
• 1 cup fresh basil leaves
• 1 Tbsp minced garlic
• 1 Tbsp nutritional yeast
• 1 Tbsp fresh lemon juice
• 1 Tbsp filtered water (more as needed)
• 1 small heirloom tomato

1. Begin by cutting the zucchini and summer squash. If you have a spiral slicer, feel free to make some spaghetti style pieces. If not, cut into small pieces about the same size as pasta.

2. Combine the walnuts, basil, garlic, nutritional yeast, lemon juice, and water in Vitamix or food processor. Add more water as needed to reach desired consistency.

3. If you are choosing to eat the meal raw, combine ‘pasta’, pesto, and tomato in a bowl and enjoy.

4. If you want the meal warm, steam veggie ‘pasta’ for just 2-3 minutes. Don’t overcook or it will become mush. Combine with pesto and tomatoes and enjoy!

I love new kitchen toys! And THIS- was delicious. I know this will be something I use a bunch this summer to create raw dishes. Mmm sundried tomato sauce.

PS- I’ve got radishes, broccoli, and spinach sprouting in my garden!